Thursday, January 3, 2013

On Divorce.

I was talking to my mother the other day about how all of the people I've been hanging out with all 19-year olds. She said to me, "It's okay Sasha, both of my husbands were a couple years younger than me." My Dad is that second husband, and they divorced when I was about nine years old.

I went through old photo albums and found these.
I'm sure my parents discussed, for a long time, how to tell my brother and me that they were separating.  But I don't remember it. All I remember is coming home from a week or two away at camp, and them sitting me down on the couch. I don't even remember what they said. But then, we went out and bought stuff for my Dad's new apartment and everything was normal again.

That being said, I also don't have that many memories of all of us together as a family. But I don't really care. I have great childhood memories with my Dad and with my Mom that are surely a thousand times better than the ones we would have had together, especially if they were unhappy. I believe that I am closer to my brother because my parents are divorced. Whenever I got into a fight with my Mom, I could go to my Dad's house, and vice versa. I can pack everything I need for four days in about five minutes.

I have also never had one place where all of my things are. That's the only thing I regret about my parents' divorce. Everything I own has always been scattered. At first it was just scattered between my mom's house and my dad's house. Now its scattered between my mom's house, my dad's house, and the closet in my apartment in Beloit, Wisconsin.

All of my Beloit things, right now.
Outside of my room at my Dad's house are the four small boxes of dirty laundry that I sent home from Beloit. I should open them and wash them but the idea of more stuff gives me genuine anxiety. I will just have to send them right back to Beloit, where I will have to unpack again, and in May, I'll have to pack again. I'm a kid of divorced parents, and I can pack better than anybody else I know, but sometimes it gets exhausting. I'm guessing that growing up with two parents who clearly weren't happy would be much more exhausting. I am always amazed by people who are brave enough to make the right decision for themselves. I know them, and I know they are very, very different people. Getting divorced is the right decision sometimes, and I am pretty sure it was the right decision for my parents. I'm happier for it.


  1. Great post, Sasha. Really hits home for me, because I'm the other story - the kid whose parents stay together when they probably shouldn't, and you are right, it is a different kind of exhausting.

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  2. Very well said, Sasha. Sometimes, getting divorced is the right decision, especially if a couple is finding it difficult to reconcile their differences. The children are the most vulnerable in situations like these, and I think it’s a good thing that you’re coping well, that you understand that sometimes hard decisions have to be made in order for life to be better. It’s good to know that you can understand your parents, and that you’re happier with them that way.

    Lucas Boles

  3. Parents getting divorced sometimes really is the best thing for the whole family. Some kids might not understand everything and will think that their parents are being selfish for breaking up the family. But I think, our parents only want what's the best for us, even if its for them to divorce. Some parents include their kids in the decision regarding their divorce, which is okay, but truth be told -- kids don't really know what their parents go through. And rather than tear each other apart, it’s better that they separate while they still have respect for each other.

    Ferdinand Draper

  4. “Getting divorced is the right decision sometimes…” – if you must go through a divorce, you should do it with respect. That’s the best way to end things. We should not use the kids as a reason for staying on a marriage because forcing something can make things worse. After all, getting a divorce is also a brave act and a start of a new chapter in your life.

    -Janay Stiles

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